Cliffsnotes for Parents

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Comment by Anita S. Lane on October 26, 2008 at 9:58pm

In today's busy, busy world--not to mention challenging economic times--family vacations take a back seat for many. However, in her book, "Bringing up GEEKS," Marybeth Hicks reminded me of why family vacations are important.

Hicks' book describes how to raise a Genuinely Enthusiastic Empowered Kid (GEEK), and one of the recommendations is to "raise a homebody."

When she talks about a "homebody" she means slowing down our family lives (our schedules), reigning in our outside social lives and being together more as a family so that we can create a strong family identity--which is crucial for children.

Hicks describes the family as a child's first "pack." And in a quote that I underlined she states, "Family trips seem to almost magically transform us into a pack."

My take away: I thought of my own family vacations and how they seem to bring us together. They cause us to focus on us and our relationships with one another. They also create incredibly powerful moments and memories. Yes, when we vacation together we do become a pack.

So, I want to recommit myself to creating some sort of family getaway--and it doesn't have to have all the bells and whistles--just the family, love and an adventurous spirit.

I'm challenging myself, and I encourage you to do the same--even if it's only one overnighter (with a decent drive to create more bonding time). Take a family trip and watch your brood transform into a pack.

In my next segment I'll talk more in depth about what Marybeth says the role "home" plays in a family's life.

Anita

Comment by Randall Bonser on October 25, 2008 at 12:26pm

I recently read "Through the Storm" by Lynn Spears, the mother of Britney, Jamie Lynn and Bryan Spears. Contrary to popular belief, this is neither a "parenting" book or a "Hollywood Tell-All" confession. It's an honest, often heart-breaking account of a family that bore the unimaginable weight of sudden fame.

Although all of her kids are not necessarily following Christ, Lynn Spears is a dedicated Christian who learned to lean on her heavenly father for support during some very trying times. I'm not much of a Britney music fan, but I decided to read the book and review it for a variety of reasons, some of which I'll get into later.

The Crush of Success
Maybe you've heard about the Spears family and their trials. In 1999, 17-year old Britney was catapulted to instart fame with her hit "Baby One More Time." Her mother, Lynn, was a simple Southern mama who had no earthly idea how to deal with the sudden crush of legal concerns and sometimes violent invasion of privacy. Britney would go on to produce many more hits, and slowly her mother's influence over her life subsided until the professionals running Britney's life denied Lynn access to her oldest daughter. Britney eventually suffered several highly publicized emotional breakdowns, which proved to be a devastating blow to Lynn as well.

Jamie Lynn, 10 years younger than Britney, found fame in her own way, as an actor on the children's television network Nickelodeon. Lynn says of Jamie Lynn "I didn't worry too much about my baby girl, my old soul ... In some ways, Jamie Lynn was the ideal teenager, but as I was to discover in the not-too-distant future, even my ideal teenager was only human."

Those of you with children who watch Nick will know what happened to Jamie Lynn, who became pregnant as an unwed 16-year old. The father of the baby was a respectable Christian boy Jamie Lynn had met in her church youth group. When the nervous couple broke the news to Lynn, she writes that "I felt as if someone punched me in the stomach."

I guess so.

A Gripping Read
In this very interesting book, Lynn writes about a lot of the punches she received -- and still receives -- as the mother of two troubled pop culture stars. I enjoyed this book not because of the juicy details about the personal lives of her daughters, but because she writes a gripping story with brutally honest candor. Near the end of the book, Lynn lists 5 mistakes she feels she made in raising her famous brood. That is awesome. I'm not going to tell you what they are, you'll have to read the book yourself. But that kind of humility and openness is rare in memoirs.

Lynn's Million Dollar Question -- When Do You Stop Saying Yes?
I read this book for several reasons. First, because I have a talented daughter who, if she works hard, could achieve some pretty amazing things. My daughter is an athlete -- the kind who other teams remember. She plays on the elite soccer team in our county. I've wondered privately how hard to push her, how much to sacrifice in order for her to achieve her potential in sports, and whether my own motivations are governing my actions.

In short, as Lynn writes in her chapter entitled "Why Did I Say Yes?" I wonder how many "yeses" will be healthy for my daugther and our family, and when a resounding "no" would be in everybody's best interest.

Lynn writes of her decision to let Jamie Lynn enter the entertainment field, "So, why did I say yes -- again -- to my second daughter, allowing her to pursue her own dreams? Because back then, there was no bad side -- or if there was, it was far outweighed by the good elements." She ends with this ominous sentence: "If only I had known that within a few years, the bad would far outweight the good."

I have no answer to the "how many yesses" question. But I'm glad this book caused me to think about it. I have begun to pray specifically that my wife and I would have the wisdom to guide our daughter without pushing too hard. I am also praying that my daughter would feel like a winner in Christ no matter what she achieves on the playing field. I have had to change one of my "5 Key Messages" to my daughter because of my concerns. (What, you don't know about my "5 Key Messages?" You'll have to read some of my past columns in KFF for that one.)

This post is already getting long, so in my next post I'll talk about another element in Lynn Spear's book that has me thinking -- How can you distinguish between an open door from the Lord and a temptation from which we need to bolt away like a frightened rabbit?

Why You Should Read This Book
To make a long story short, I highly recommend "Through the Storm" by Lynn Spears. It does not aspire to be a book on parenting, but it will stimulate your thoughts on the subject, precisely because it asks more questions than it answers.

Comment by Sarah Low Hunter on October 25, 2008 at 7:02am

Cut the cable/satilite/dish! Use the money you save for the children's college accounts. If it is really so important to see, view online or at a friend's home. We have lived without cable for 14+ years and are doing just fine, infact I think we are doing better than most.

Comment by Anita S. Lane on October 25, 2008 at 3:14am

Here's a quote:

"Common Sense Media found nine out of ten American parents believe today's media contribute to children becoming too materialistic, using more coarse and vulgar language, engaging in sexual activity at younger ages, experiencing a loss of innocence too early, and behaving in violent and antisocial ways. What's disconcerting to me is something else their survey found: "Despite concerns about media's influence, most parents provide a media-rich environment for their children, often with little supervision...the majority of parents say they could do a better job supervising their children's media use.""

Source: "Bringing Up GEEKS" (Genuine, Enthusiastic, Empowered Kids)" by Marybeth Hicks, page 60.

My take-away: Media matters. Studies prove media impacts our children in profound (and often negative) ways. It's worth the effort to be diligent. How ya' doing on the media front?

Personally, I've noticed my kids can "act up" on their own. Media input just makes it worse. We're better off without the Disney Channel and Cartoon Network sitcoms my children love. They're especially better off without viewing all of the ads that come along with TV.

Anita